More HMP Mafs

We are feeling super smrt here at HMP and wanted to do another maf problem:

Fiesta and all of the below equals ...

I don't know what this HM is. My maf is a li'l rusty:

HM Mafs

HMP is all about educations. So here is some HMP maf:

The sum of these drinks divided by three people who have already been drinking for a few hours...

Equals this:

Plus having crashed on the couch at a party about an hour into it and several very expensive and confusing cab rides.  And where is that crazy girl with the long gloves who promised us she'd marry a millionaire and buy us all houses or some shit?!

This post is dedicated to my fav gucci sunnies.  I am gonna go pour out a 40 now.  

Mmmmm Del Taco

Look at this hottie! I think she was waiting at the back door of Del Taco because they couldn't fit her order through the drive-through window. So sad :-(

I love me some tacos when I'm drunk, but loitering behind the Del Taco in that - that - "outfit"? H-O-T M-E-S-S

Oh how I wish the iPhone could zoom. 

HMP Policy Initiative #3

Many Hot Messes are Hot Messes because they drink a lot.  We here at HMP have found compelling evidence of a need for more public restrooms - 

Entertaining Must-Have for CRAZY Hot Messes

Do you have birds flying out of your crotch?

Are you a "teacher" and people wonder WTF it is you teach because you seem to be an idiot?

Do you text people at 9:30 a.m. during the week asking what's up when you know they have jobs?

Do you ask people if they like spicy food and, when they answer yes, you decide to cook "rice"?

If you answered yes to any of the above, you must get your hands on these beauties:

Ah, such a beautiful sunset; it lights up AND moves.  Amazing!


Oh, if only this were legible. It was apparently written by some little boy who was expressing his desire to grow up to become a missionary and spread the word of Jebus.  And in such a lovely frame!

*The above pictures were actually taken in a boy's bedroom (while he was in the kitchen cooking the aforementioned rice). For context - the boy is white and has pictures of little brown boys all over his house. I'm guessing the missionary thing was one of the boys. I'm hoping he has the pictures because he likes to send money to sponsor needy children.

HOT M'F'ING MESS.

Not much shakin' here ...

Was it the vodka?



Millions of milkshakes?



Mmmm vodka and milkshakes!

But this is just a MESS.

Not messy. Just HOT!

Give me a P!



Give me a G!

Hot Messin NYE

What an AMAZING dress:



Why, yes, that IS a giant pair of sunglasses!

Happy New Year, Messes!

Hot Messes Holding Up Traffic

The holidays in NYC wouldn't have been complete without the Hanukkah Mobile:



You know if you had seen this you would've jumped into traffic to pose too!

Entertaining Must-Have: Johnny Hazard

Back in December, we had a friend visit from Chicago. We threw a party in his honor. It wouldn't have been complete without Johnny stuck to the wall:



(For most of the party, Johnny was over the doorway. Surprisingly, it took people quite a while to notice him.)

One word of caution: Johnny leaves marks on the wall:

Bedazzled Coozies

We traveled all the way to SW Florida to bring you these beauties:

Hot Messes: 52.5% of Californians

This guy's sign says it nicely:



Back in November, Californians voted to take away rights from gay and lesbian Californians. Boo!

Wjorw Wotj

Witness the hot messiness here:



We're pretty sure no one is named "Wjorw Wotj," but one of us was drunk enough to put that name in his iPhone!

Hot Messin' it in NYC

Hi Messes!

Sorry for the prolonged absence. We will be posting again soon. There is a lot of back-logged material. It's just difficult to post when you're such a hot mess yourself.

We have been busy drunk dialing other people's family members, flying dear friends to LA on 8 hours' notice, and now, yours truly is hot messin' it in NYC. For instance, en route to a hotel room with two other "gentlemen" after a night of imbibing, someone left his iPhone in the cab! Well, thankfully, some very very very nice NYer found it and left him a voicemail and left it at Suspenders bar down near Wall Street. So this hot mess can continue to drunk dial during his tour in NYC.

Disturbing Events at the Fu

So after the below-mentioned teddy bear debacle, the fun continued on to the Fu (otherwise known as Hot Mess Central)!

So we're all about gender expression and don't want to make fun of any trannies, but this go-go person is SCURRRRY. She was like a gyrating pocket gaysian tranny on crack.





We'll stick with the hot boys f'ing dancing down the way a little bit.

Disturbing Events at the Old Coast

Gays and girls,

We don't quite know how to tell you this. One of us went to the Old Coast recently. (We know, we know, but it was to campaign for NO ON 8 ... you're voting NO ON 8, right?).

Well, anyhow. There was a guy there. He was wearing ... a ... teddy bear ... coming out the top of his shirt. No f'ing kidding.

Look:





We sent a deputy over to apprehend and question the suspect, but the deputy became distracted by cheap drinks and cute boys and was drunk on the power attendant to possessing a clipboard in a public place. So if you see this hot mess (or anyone else wearing a teddy bear), make sure you tell him he's up on hot mess charges. We predict a conviction all the way.

Sunday Best

It's sad, but it probably is his Sunday Best. Leave it to the crazies at the Abbey on Sunday.



I don't even think I can say anything about this. Sleeveless. Hawaiian print. Not buttoned. WTMF?!

GG + TB

From our friends at Division Street... they're callin' out Tory Burch from last night's Gossip Girl.

http://divisionstreetus.blogspot.com/2008/09/public-service-announcment-via-gossip.html

Now we bow down to Blair Waldorf, and I heart the Division Street boys, but don't be steppin' on Tory!

She rocks and those ballerina flats will crush those who oppose her rein.

You know you love me. XOXO

HMP: Italian Edition

This post comes from patrolling the streets of Genoa. Italy.



You drop two cups of bleach on your jeans & decide to cut them off? These aren't shorts. They're not capris.

Has he invented the "shorpri"?