Hot Messin' it in NYC

Hi Messes!

Sorry for the prolonged absence. We will be posting again soon. There is a lot of back-logged material. It's just difficult to post when you're such a hot mess yourself.

We have been busy drunk dialing other people's family members, flying dear friends to LA on 8 hours' notice, and now, yours truly is hot messin' it in NYC. For instance, en route to a hotel room with two other "gentlemen" after a night of imbibing, someone left his iPhone in the cab! Well, thankfully, some very very very nice NYer found it and left him a voicemail and left it at Suspenders bar down near Wall Street. So this hot mess can continue to drunk dial during his tour in NYC.

Disturbing Events at the Fu

So after the below-mentioned teddy bear debacle, the fun continued on to the Fu (otherwise known as Hot Mess Central)!

So we're all about gender expression and don't want to make fun of any trannies, but this go-go person is SCURRRRY. She was like a gyrating pocket gaysian tranny on crack.





We'll stick with the hot boys f'ing dancing down the way a little bit.

Disturbing Events at the Old Coast

Gays and girls,

We don't quite know how to tell you this. One of us went to the Old Coast recently. (We know, we know, but it was to campaign for NO ON 8 ... you're voting NO ON 8, right?).

Well, anyhow. There was a guy there. He was wearing ... a ... teddy bear ... coming out the top of his shirt. No f'ing kidding.

Look:





We sent a deputy over to apprehend and question the suspect, but the deputy became distracted by cheap drinks and cute boys and was drunk on the power attendant to possessing a clipboard in a public place. So if you see this hot mess (or anyone else wearing a teddy bear), make sure you tell him he's up on hot mess charges. We predict a conviction all the way.

Sunday Best

It's sad, but it probably is his Sunday Best. Leave it to the crazies at the Abbey on Sunday.



I don't even think I can say anything about this. Sleeveless. Hawaiian print. Not buttoned. WTMF?!

GG + TB

From our friends at Division Street... they're callin' out Tory Burch from last night's Gossip Girl.

http://divisionstreetus.blogspot.com/2008/09/public-service-announcment-via-gossip.html

Now we bow down to Blair Waldorf, and I heart the Division Street boys, but don't be steppin' on Tory!

She rocks and those ballerina flats will crush those who oppose her rein.

You know you love me. XOXO

HMP: Italian Edition

This post comes from patrolling the streets of Genoa. Italy.



You drop two cups of bleach on your jeans & decide to cut them off? These aren't shorts. They're not capris.

Has he invented the "shorpri"?

Patrolling in France

Medieval village in the south of France. Girl with a turquoise dress with stars, and matching leggings and cropped jacket. HMP with a camera. Here you go. Enjoy!





OK. By this point, our stalking was unmistakable.  Cuz there aren't a whole lotta people in the medieval village at night.  And our flash kept going off.  Despite our best efforts to be posing off to the side, the poor hot mess caught on.  





Some hot mess in Nice. Sorry the pic isn't so great, cuz she was a truly amazing mess. 

Random WeHo Hot Messes

We hope no one woke up next to either of these two.  Oye.





Oh childrens ...


We're not sure if this Mess is up on Ho Charges, but she's sho gonna be up on Hot Mess Charges.  The Patrol v. Bandanas with Tight White Denim and Black Boots.  Verdict for the prosecution fo sho.



Oh sweet jebus.  I have only ever seen white socks pulled up with shorts like this on my 75 year old grandpa.  He needs a Hot Mess Intervention.

Just Because You're at the Grove ...

does not mean you can wear these! We don't even know where to begin.

Sucre Daddy

Heeee-eeeey!!

The Patrol is still jet lagging, and sorting through all of the hot messes we saw in France and Italy (and from before we left ... we are way behind!).

But in the meantime, enjoy:

Sucre Daddy publicité
Uploaded by BlogtheCom

Hot Mess Vacay

The Patrol has been on holiday... on the Cote d'Azur, natch.

Hot Mess France edition to come soon!

Bisous!

Hot Messes Gots to Read

We heart David Sedaris. Check this out from his newest book:

The suspenders and knickers were bad enough, but when I added a top hat, he planted himself in the doorway and physically prevented me from leaving the house. "It doesn't make sense," I remember him saying. "That hat with those pants, worn with the damn platform shoes ..." His speech temporarily left him, and he found himself waving his hands, no doubt wishing that they held magic wands. "You're just ... a [HOT] mess is what you are."

HMP Policy Initiative #2

Ok. Whoever made this graphic ... LOCO.  But as sad and confounding as this image is, it touches upon a grave and pressing issue that affects everyone's quality of life.  

Gays, we are talking about sleevelessness.  

Because not only can you not wrap up Pall Malls on your arm, but you really can't do much of anything at all if you don't have sleeves.  

And while patrolling lately, we have noticed an awful lot of gays sans sleeves.  So sad.

So that is why we're launching HMP Policy Initiative numero due.  

Starting immediately, we are taking donations of errant sleeves so that we can provide them to the poor homos who either can't afford them or don't have the sense to wear them of their own accord.  Any extra sleeves you have, please send them our way.  We can't fight this battle alone, but we might be able to make a difference if we work together.  YES, WE CAN.

NO on gladiator sandals!

Please!! Vote NO on gladiator sandals this November. There is a reason the Roman Empire fell. Get with it, bitches!

Hot Mess Must Have Accessory -- BAGS!

Hey ya'll! Here's our next accessory must have -- Fall bags from Mulberry. Check this out!

It's the perfect place to hold yo' lip gloss, yo' sunnies, a sweater to keep off the morning chill, and yo' little black book.

Do it girls, this bag is h-o-t!

http://www.selectism.com/posts/archive/2008/august/26/mulberry_fallwinter_2008_bags/index.htm

The future of public transport

Kids. Listen up! 

The Patrol has been noticing a LOT of pocket gays lately. 

And, with global warming and high gas prices and whatnot, HMP is proud to announce its first policy initiative.

EFFECTIVE IMMEDIATELY, pocket gays everywhere will start riding Big Wheels.

If you're a pocket gay, hop on your new plastic ride.

If you're of normal height, help a pocket gay out by buying him his very own Big Wheel.  

Together, we can reduce greenhouse gases and make fun of little gays. 

Hot Mess: Shanghai Edition

That's right ladies, one half of the patrol is in Shanghai, China. Neee-how! And what's better in Shanghai than some Filipino cover bands.

Now just getting on stage & dancing with the singers is not enough. A little pole dancing really rounds out the experience. Unfortch that part wasn't captured on the ol' iPhone.

How to Keep the Mess Goin' fo' Free

When half the Patrol was in NYC a few weeks ago, we discovered something curious.  While at a gallery opening, we noticed an interesting mix of people.  

Half of them were there for the art.  

The other half ... they were a bunch of hot (and in many cases, smelly) messes, there to drink some free booze (or in this case, cans of budweiser and some very cheap "wine").

First, let us say that these hot messes (the smelly ones) are def not the kind of HMs we like. BUT, in the interest of full disclosure, and to help all of you be the best hot messes you can be, we thought we should share where they came from:

http://nyc.myopenbar.com

The site tells hot messes everywhere where to booze if up for free (or super cheap) on any given night in select cities (NYC, LA, SF, Chicago, Honolulu, and Miami). 

Have fun!  

And please, people, bathe.

How to Keep the Mess Goin'

Keeping the mess goin' night after night can get exhausting! Luckily there's a product to help you sloppy boys out.

The beerdolier...

http://www.uncrate.com/men/gear/misc-gadgets/beerdolier/


The patrol wants to see YOU rockin' it!

Cargo Shorts: A retrospective

The other half of the patrol was in Chicago this weekend... and I am sad to report that cargo shorts are still alive & well there too. And here is our cargo short retrospective:

Camo + Cargos = Nooooo goood.

Light camo, dark camo -- all of it is hurtin' mah poor eyes.

Honey, just cuz you belt 'em doesn't make it right.

Girls, did you all confab before leavin' the house that cargos are the new black?

Please y'all, read this article. It give yous some tips on what shorts are acceptable.

http://www.nytimes.com/2008/07/10/fashion/10CODES.html?_r=1&oref=slogin

As you were.

Patrolling Desert-Side

Half of the Patrol went to Palm Springs this weekend.  Oh, how we love you, land of the camo cargo short.  There were plenty of hot messes out in PS.  Unfortunately, I was also one of them, so the pic quality is a little less than desirable.

Is this a leather vest?!?

Many PS'ers are allergic to shirts. 

We Endorse ...

The iSaber!  We don't particularly like Star Wars, but just think about the hot mess you can be by turning your iPhone into a light saber!  Hold on tight ... we ain't paying to replace your phone when you get carried away and lose your grip.  

Our Theme Song (For Now)

We just found this Hot Mess, and we heart him.  He sings our first HMP theme song - Hot Mess!  

Check him out - www.killianwells.com

Apparently he just moved to Encino (really? the Valley?).  If you're lucky, maybe the Patrol will have some luck running into him and snagging some pics.

Hot Mess Must Have Accessory!

How do you shield yourself from the paps, or hide the "I was dancing on a table until 3 a.m." circles under your eyes?








Answer: Henrik Vibskov tortoise square sunnies. Assumin' you can find them Stateside!

http://www.acquiremag.com/style/sunglasses/henrik-vibskov-tortoise-square.php

Go get yo'self a pair. And toss a couple our way too!

A Sunday in WeHo

We looooove his velvet pants. It's really a shame that his hur isn't still bright red. That made us so happy.

Just because you are a drunk, hot mess does not mean you are allowed to undo your shirt. Suuriously. Eew.
We think overalls sans shirt is H-O-T-T.
Are you ready for the best part? I know it's hard to believe, but this really can get better. Ready? Wait for it ...
A FANNY PACK!!!

Hot Mess NYC Edition

Hot Mess NYC Edition is on the right. Of course they made out right after I took this.


Girl was wearing this huge ass sweater (and tiny shorts) in nyc in the summer.

I was so happy to spot Hot Mess NYC Edition two nights in a row!!

Original Hot Mess

So it's only appropriate that we kick this off with the boy who started it all.

Across the bar - a cute guy, wearing a tux. My friend and I thought we'd go talk to him and see what was up. Little did we know, below the bar, girl was wearing a mini skirt and three inch heels!!! And he was completely drunk.

So started regular sightings of our fav boy, Hot Mess, who, god love him, is always so wasted that he never seems to remember talking to us.

This blog is dedicated to all the crazy, hot messes we see around West Hollywood and wherever else we happen to be patrolling.